The second eye-opener for me was reading Dr. Dyer's book "Your Erroneous Zones." The book is based on a simple premise that I believe to this day: That all feelings come from thoughts, and a person can change the way he or she feels by changing his or her thoughts. The idea seemed so simple yet so powerful to me. The book was a great inspiration to me and gave me a sense of hope that I could change the feelings I was experiencing at the time.

As inspiring as Dr. Dyer's book was, as the newness of the ideas in the book wore off, I was still left with the same problem: how to control my thoughts and feelings. It seemed that while intellectually I may have known that a person rejecting me or being critical of me was not personal to me, but a reflection of how that person felt about himself or herself, my reaction of being hurt persisted just the same.

Then, a couple of years later, in a magazine, in a small article, I read about the idea of affirmations. It was a huge revelation to me; the idea that repeating a phrase with positive intentions could change a person's feelings tied into the ideas of Dr. Dyer's book. For me, affirmations were the mechanics that could make his ideas work.

My use of affirmations was very limited for the next 20 years. After a number of relationships that seemed to have the same unhealthy dynamic, seeing the same unhealthy pattern over and over again, I reached a crisis. I was very unhappy with how my life had been.

One day as I was writing about my relationships and my responsibility for what had happened in them, I discovered how critical and negative I was with myself; how that I had been that way for many years. Then something happened in me. Maybe it was a self-preservation instinct, maybe it was divine intervention or maybe it was just my life experiences coming together at that moment, but I knew I could not go on thinking of myself the way I had. I wrote down affirmations that were the exact opposite of my negative thoughts and started saying them out loud. It was difficult to hear myself say the words that went against how I felt because I had been thinking, feeling and believing the same way for many years. My mind was fighting it. As I said each affirmation I could hear another voice inside saying the old negative thought, but I just kept saying the affirmation over and over again, saying each one, as if to erase the negative thoughts from my mind.

As I said my affirmations daily, I found many of my negative feelings started to diminish. When a negative thought would enter my mind, the affirmation would automatically come to mind as well, reminding of the new way I wanted to think and feel. The sense of control, relief and change was powerful. I no longer felt at the mercy of my emotions and with time, equally as important, I was no longer at the mercy of another person's behavior or feelings. I found I could alter my reactions to other people's behavior with affirmations as well.

For me, the process is ongoing. I continue to journal and while I continue to find negative thoughts, beliefs and behaviors about myself that still surprise me, I continue to create affirmations to replace those unhealthy thoughts, beliefs and behaviors with healthy ones.

My hope is that you find the process I have gone through and continue to go through useful in your personal growth as well.